Your marriage can heal itself.
The power is there!
All you need to do is tap into it.
This is easier said than done, since 95% of that around you and 95% of which you were taught about marriage, an intimate relationship and love, contradicts what I’m about to show you. But, more on that later.
For now, let’s look at the 9 beliefs that you MUST embrace for the healing.
1. A Cut Finger Will Heal
I’m a vegetable freak. I love vegetables. And, it’s relaxing to slap my cutting board on the counter, grab my knife and begin slicing away. But, sometimes, gratefully not often, I have a problem: I cut my finger.
I clean out the cut and wrap a bandaid around it.
What happens? It heals! I don’t worry about it. There is absolutely nothing I must do, other than make sure I keep it fairly clean.
There is a power, a force, something within me that heals that cut. It takes over. It begins regenerating whatever needs to regenerate. I really have no idea how it happens (and, I’m certain scientists haven’t nailed down this process either.)
The healing power takes over and in a few days my finger appears normal.
Your marriage possesses within it a natural healing power and process.
2 You Have a Natural Inner Guidance System
I was raised on a farm in Illinois about 5 miles from the Mississippi River on what was called the Mississippi flyway. In the fall of the year thousands of ducks and geese would land on our corn fields, eat and fly away the next day. They followed some mysterious powerful force that would guide them from Canada or further north to their haven in the warm south.
This “instinct” would guide them and care for them.
What would it be like if you realized that there is within YOU, within your partner and within the interaction between the two of you, a force or energy that guides you to the love you long for?
3. A Healing Force Lives All Around You
There is a healing force that is incorporated in all of nature. It’s fascinating to see recent pictures of Chernobyl Russia some 25 years after the nuclear catastrophe.
Nature is reclaiming the city with new trees, grasses and shrubs, covering the vacated buildings, roads and streets and giving new life to the radiated soil.
Tell me, why do you work so hard on saving your marriage? Doesn’t it seem that the harder you try the more illusive the love becomes?
Maybe there’s a different way!
4. You are Not Together by Chance
What brought the two of you together? Why did the two of you choose each other when there were thousands of other potential mates that crossed your paths?
You are not together by chance. Don’t you believe that there was some other “force” or power that somehow instigated your meeting, dating and eventual commitment?
5. Emotionally Invested People Communicate when Not Near
I remember being in my office a few years ago and began to feel a tightness in my chest. My heart started pounding, I felt tense and anxious and I had this irresistible urge to drive home to see my wife. I HAD to do this.
I drove home and she was in pain. Her experience matched mine.
Have you ever had the “inking” that something was “off” or wrong with someone close to you? And, you later discovered that that “inkling” was right on target?
Research now indicates that this is not unusual.
Scientists have taken this to the molecular level. An atom contains a negative charge which rotates in one direction and a positive charge which simultaneously rotates in the opposite direction. Scientists separated these two charges and placed them in laboratories miles apart.
They discovered that when one was stimulated, the other, although miles apart, reacted and responded.
What force generated this response? Why? How?
There is much we don’t know.
6. There is No Such Thing as a Secret
I’ve worked literally with thousands since 1981 suffering from infidelity.
It is extremely common that the wounded spouse has a strong need to reconstruct the history of the affair.
Because at one level, even though the affair was a “secret,” the wounded spouse intuitively KNEW something was “off.” The wounded spouse “picked up” on the affair and needed that intuition verified with truth. Their sanity often hung in the balance.
You truly do know, even when words are not spoken or the spoken word denies.
7. You are Intimately Tuned into Each Other
Tap a tuning fork and a similar tuning fork feet away will begin vibrating as well.
It is my contention that we have lost, ignored or swept under the carpet this resource, this potential power for healing and change.
You are so much more than your rational mind and your physical body.
Trying to “understand,” talking about the problem, finding a solution and doing what you think you need to create calm and save the marriage have extreme limitations.
8. Your Marriage is an Animal
I was trained in family systems theory. Healing and restoration occurred within the family system. If tension ruled a family, that family could be healed and the tension would dissipate. If a marital relationship was in pain, that martial relationship had within it’s boundaries, the capacity to change and heal itself.
The family, the marriage were seen as living viable entities in and of themselves. As those within the family or marriage began to “separate” from the tension and declare their position, the family or marriage experienced healing and change.
The idea that a marriage or family could heal itself and make the changes it desired was a fairly new concept coming out of intensive research at a number of learning centers in the 50s 60s and 70s.
And, then in the 90’s I saw it happen. The shift began: the idea of a family or marriage healing itself was superseded (mainly instigated by insurance companies) with an emphasis on individual dysfunction.
Pills, a therapist or “problem solving” tactics were needed by the “sick” person to make them better.
9 You are More than Your Genes
Around this time, much was made of new studies in genetics. We were taught, superficially mainly through the media, that if we could correlate a specific gene with a specific disease or condition, we would see a huge breakthrough. In other words, genes ruled who we were! We were victims of our genetic makeup.
New scientific research is uncovering the fact that we are NOT victims to our genes; genes, in reality, are subject to environmental input (our thoughts, what we put into our bodies and other internal and external processes.)
Studies indicate we can “shut off” harmful genes, re-calibrate them and “turn on” healthy genes for our well-being. Or, we can call upon that “force” to shift our genetic functioning from unhealthy to healthy.
Traditional marital advice, both professional and of the self-help variety, especially since the 90s, comes at you with three underlying beliefs:
- Something out there (a therapist, your spouse, a pill, a book, a concept, a tactic, a communication skill, a date night, a seminar, a romantic get away, etc.) will make it better and all your pain, frustration and fear will be taken away.
- You are defective. You lack something. You are not enough. You have a disorder. You are sinful. You are incomplete. You and your marriage are dysfunctional. There is something wrong and sick about you.
- You must perform to make it better. (You must lose weight. You must study and learn. You must take care of yourself. You must be more sexy, more romantic, more communicative, more transparent, more loving, more attentive, more caring…more this and more that…)
You carry this burden of needing to be better, do better, work harder and be smarter.
And, deep within, you know you just can’t do it. Plaster on all the positive thinking, good intentions, will power, affirmations and effort, but you KNOW you will fall short.
No wonder you and your marriage struggle. You are in a no win situation.
I want you to consider (you need not believe at this point) that your marriage just might be Self-Healing.
Here’s what I want you to know:
- The love answers are within you and your marriage.
- Neither you nor your marriage or family are defective or dysfunctional.
- You don’t have to try so hard – to make your marriage work. You can be YOU.
There is a different way. There is an EASIER way.
Your marriage or relationship can HEAL itself.
Give up looking to some magic elixir outside yourself.
Stop believing that you are defective.
Give up performing.
Put all that behind you. It doesn’t work!
Grab this FREE Tool
Setting the conditions for Self Healing allows you to Love, to EXPERIENCE the power and peace of love.
The intent of the 3 Steps is to catch a glimpse of the healing, love process, so different from what you are traditionally taught and have come to accept.
This tool takes 5 minutes. In those 5 minutes I hope you experience a second or two in which your world opens to new possibilities for the Love that dwells within, wants to emerge, wants to heal, and wants to restore you, your marriage and those near and dear to you.