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Intimacy and the Distancing Spouse

Facebook Live Q&A with Dr. Huizenga

I’ve decided to take advantage of Facebook Live and offer an opportunity for people to get their questions answered by me personally. The first Live video was a success! The recording is available below. Here are a few of the questions that were answered during the session: “What can the betrayed wife do about the …

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Why did you marry THAT Person

Do you ever give that question some thought? How do you know if you married the right person? Your relationship is in the pits and you want to know how to fix your marriage fast. You snarl inside when your spouse does “their thing” and the thought jumps across your inner cortex, “What in the …

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Stop Pursuing Your Spouse

Hello. Dr. Huizenga here. 80% of Couples Struggle with This My experience as a Marriage and Family Therapist over the past 3 decades tells me that 80% of couples struggle with the Pursuer-Distancer Merry-Go-Round. (The 20% struggle with other patterns. I go into detail describing the Red, Yellow and Green Marriages in the Advanced Module …

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Distant Spouse and Saving your Marriage

Can Your Marriage be Saved? This question is a tough one to face for most facing the demise of their marriage: Can this marriage be saved? Is it too painful or disturbing for you to entertain this question? The thought of your marriage ending is often terrifying: -My dreams and hopes for a good life …

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Emotional Infidelity: Is Emotional or Physical Cheating Worse?

A study was conducted at Kansas Sate University surveying some 500 men and women asking the question: which would worse: imagining your partner involved in passionate sexual cheating or your partner engaged in emotional cheating with someone else? And, following the lines of gender stereotypes, the study concluded that men would be more disturbed by …

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Unhappy Marriage: The Process of “Falling out of Love”

The Unhappy Marriage: The “Falling out of Love” Process A Marriage and Family Therapist outlines the 3 stages In this article I will outline the 3 steps of an unhappy marriage that most of us, actually everyone that I’ve encountered, go through as we “fall in love” and then fall “out of love.” At the …

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Powerful Communication in Your Marriage

The act of speaking, your voice is often difficult in the beginning since you probably have little experience or knowledge of how to effectively speak your voice and live your power. Speaking your voice does not mean anger, control, loudness or contorted body language. There are many nuances to speaking your voice, which you can …

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The Distance Means Desire for Love

Take a minute. Isn’t this true? Don’t you truly want an intimate relationship in which you can feel appreciated, wanted, acknowledged, affirmed and to touch and be touched? You want to be known and to know in a genuinely heartfelt way. You long for that. Your toughness, your prickles, your withdrawal and your constant frenetic …

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The Pulling Away Spouse Accommodates

You are perceived as the recalcitrant spouse, the uncooperative one and the bad person for not getting with the program. You receive this message from others. And, you may believe that of yourself as well, at least to a disturbing degree. You believe it is important therefore to swallow the not so nice words on …

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The Intent of the “Cold” Spouse

You are not trying to be bad, stubborn, passive or whatever. You are merely trying to control your feelings and your thoughts. You are doing the best you can considering the coping mechanisms you bring, your situation and a number of other factors. You don’t truly want to feel responsible for hurting someone. You don’t …

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