Your Dream Marriage and Chemistry: Why Your Spouse Became “The One”


Why did you marry your spouse?

I assume you’ve asked that question, especially if you have one of THOSE days and feel less than blissful about the relationship.

And, of course those days come, whether you want them or not.

But, again, WHY DID you marry that person?

Think about it.

How many potential mates did you encounter in high school? How many did you have eyes on
or had eyes on you? How many crossed your path?

And, if you journeyed off to college, give me an estimate of how many potential suitors passed you on the sidewalk as you moved from class to class?

How many in your neighborhood, in your church, in the groups you joined or in your community were “eligible?”

How many do you suppose you almost brushed against in the grocery store, in restaurants, in bars or other parties?

Or, your work environment provided you with how many opportunities to find THAT person?

And, now the internet. Holy moly… image the tens of thousands available right beneath your busy finger tips on the keyboard.

You don’t need a calculator to determine that thousands of potential THAT persons paraded before you; and yet, you chose not one of them, and were not chosen by one of them; but, instead, you chose the person you are with now.

What brought you together?

Did you rationally sit down, go over your prospects, create a pro and con list, settle on your best choice, gave that person a call and said, “We are going to get married?”

Of course not.

You married THAT person because you were mutually drawn to one another.

Out of the hundreds of thousands of possibilities, the two of you, out of mutual desire, came together.

Was there physical attraction? Of course.

Was there “chemistry.” Yup.

Was there “love.” You certainly thought you were “in love.”

Remember what that was like?

And, there were other reasons as well; some, perhaps with less than Idealistic motives; i.e. it’s time! It’s the thing to do. Family is exerting pressure, internal promises from the past, etc.

I contend that there was a “force” that brought you together; a force that moved to and through you beyond your conscious awareness and rational thought.

You were meant to be together at that point in time. You were prodded internally and led to one another. You were given one to the other.

So, where has all that gone?

It’s still there.

But, perhaps hidden or buried beneath the eventual hostility/fear/indifference that emerges over time in a relationship of deep emotional investment.

It is my contention that this “force” brought you together.

That over time, because of internal fears of loving, feelings of lack and inadequacy, discovering that performance doesn’t always work and from listening to the media, family and friends, self help gurus, the church and a culture bound by it’s own fears and hostilities you lost contact with your “force.”

Your “force” is still there.

And, once you tap into this “force” your marriage or relationship will heal itself.

And, you will truly know the meaning of love.

4 thoughts on “Your Dream Marriage and Chemistry: Why Your Spouse Became “The One””

  1. Brian Persinger

    My wife married me because her X cheated on her, I was her revenge, that revenge has lasted almost 27 years.

  2. But we got married young, and although I never looked at another man and remained true to the force that drew me to my husband, he was not faithful. He had three affairs and was constantly on the make by his own admission. Now in therapy five years, he knows he loves me and wants to be true to the force that lies within him. It’s painful and difficult for me to believe the man who has lied to me for so many, many years. I was attracted to him and fell in love because I felt he was a man of integrity. This “pillar of our community” has lied to everyone including our families, our children, our religious community, and friends.

  3. We knew each other one week and he asked me to marry him. A week and a half later we were married. It has lasted 29 years and I have followed him around the world because of his career. This last summer over our anniversary he had an affair with the neighbor’s daughter. She is 21 years younger and wasn’t even born when we got married. I was taking care of my sister who was dying of cancer. I never thought he would destroy me or our marriage. I feel stupid for staying thinking what would stop him from doing it again. I still love him and will not put our son through a divorce. But if it happens again that is it.

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