Why are people so unhappy in relationships after Valentine’s Day?
I read an interesting article in USA today.
Those sites that offer memberships for those who are married and looking to “hook up” with another married person, as in have an affair, report a booming day AFTER Valentines Day. It is one of their most profitable and most highly visited day of the year.
Well, this is what the founder of one of those sites had to say: “People are disappointed by their spouses” lack of effort, and they feel especially undervalued when there is a societal expectation of romance. Certain days of the year act as litmus tests for many people unhappy in relationships.” (Valentines Day is one of them.)
We spend billions of dollars trying to “save a marriage“, “buy, force or create” romance, or that
“special” feeling, and it just doesn’t work. In reality your spouse may be surfing infidelity sites the day AFTER trying to fill the disappointment.
What exactly causes them to be unhappy in relationships?
I believe two underlying concepts add fire to one’s disappointment.
1. Romance is overrated and produces a narcissistic shallowness.
The typical understanding of romance as touted in romance novels, romantic comedies, etc. is that each mirrors back to the other exactly what s/he believes the other wants to hear and experience. Wow, I am “special.” No, you are not “special,” but merely a human on a journey, like all of us.
When I live with another for a period of time, I KNOW that person is human. Chocolate and hearts fail to touch being truly touched by the depth of another human being.
2. Personal needs are powerful and tend to dominate.
The need for attention, the need to be loved, the need to be adored, the need for a thrill, the need for excitement and the need for affirmation, to name a few, run strong within us.
Our personal needs can dominate and control our lives, creating a reservoir of disappointment, frustration and emptiness.
Let’s move beyond them, and Valentine’s Day, and find what we truly desire, and avoid being unhappy in relationships.