What are you looking for or what do you expect in your marriage?
Here’s my educated guess, after having talked to literally thousands over the decades about their primary relationship: You want Magic Moments.
Here are some examples of a Magic Moment:
- You look into each other’s eyes, without feeling anxious or uneasy, hold your gaze and feel the warmth radiate from the center of your heart.
- A smile emerges on your face as your spouse walks by you in the kitchen and your arm brushes your partner’s shoulder.
- You realize you have a solid feeling deep in your stomach and the thought firmly implanted in your mind that you can truly count on your spouse – forever.
- You sit on the couch together and the words flow, easily, freely and naturally. You are free from the need to measure your words, your body language, or anything about you.
- You to feel the excitement and relief when your partner conveys, “Tell me more.”
- You are able to sit in silence, comfortably, a bubble of ease and safety surrounding the two of you.
- You experience the electricity and excitement as you share with your partner you dreams for YOUR future, confident that your partner is your greatest cheerleader.
- You have an unending courage to share your problems and concerns knowing that, as a team you have incredible strength.
- When the context is set, you feel the power of touch and emotional connection – that touch naturally moving to the welcoming flow of sex and the passion of mutual pleasure.
A Magic Moment is the result of or by-product of your emotional connection and, at times, erupts effortlessly.
Characteristics of a Magic Moment
Magic Moments do not happen upon demand. You can’t talk yourself or your spouse into a Magic Moment. You can’t plan for them. They emerge; they emerge out of the bond and knowledge of one another that develops over time and trials.
A Magic Moment is different than what you typically call romance. Romance exists at the beginning of a relationship of emotional investment and for the most part is based upon illusions.
You, as a romantic couple, attempt to mirror back and forth to each other what you believe the other person needs or wants to hear. You attempt to be that illusion in the eyes of the other.
Romance is also fueled by a strong sexual attraction. Romance, bottom line, serves the purpose of bringing two together, with the final act being intercourse.
Romance is short lived. The warts, blemishes, differences, idiosyncrasies of the other become more obvious and the illusions are obliterated. The demands of living in a life confronted with problems and the inevitable conflict and contrast also erode the glitter of romance.
Magic Moments go beyond romance. Magic moments occur for you and your spouse as you effectively manage all aspects of life, become aware of the quirks and weakness of the other and accept those fully. (You may even laugh or joke about them.)
A Magic Moment is a mature moment. A Magic Moment is built upon the reality of each other and the challenges faced in creating a unit out of the two and that two perhaps, creating a larger family. A Magic Moment is representative of you and your spouse who have taken the time and devoted energy to face the challenges, assess your strengths and weaknesses and exhibit a compassionate attitude toward one another and, most importantly, toward yourself.
Magic Moments don’t happen every day. They may be infrequent. Most time and energy is focused on learning, living, creating, solving problems, celebrating, recuperating and involvement with others, work and community.
Magic Moments are not demanded. Magic Moments are not pined for. You do not expect your spouse to create Magic Moments for you. Magic Moments are not even expected.
Magic Moments surprise you and your spouse because you are being you, s/he is being him/her and you are embracing life in all its manifold aspects together.
Magic Moments represent the highest form of joy. Magic Moments are incredibly fulfilling and satisfying.
Magic Moments are the culmination of your deepest pain and your greatest pleasure.
Magic Moments accelerate over time. As you and your spouse fearlessly confront each other and the life you have woven, Magic Moments occur more frequently and with more power over time.
Magic Moments are characteristic of a marriage that builds upon its experiences and moves to deeper and deeper levels of joy, understanding and yes, happiness.
I hope I’ve created a model for you worth considering.
Do you remember the last Magic Moment in your Marriage? If so, please share.