Are you a Team?
Warm Magic Moments are given the possibility for life in your relationship of deep emotional investment if you together can manage the things of your life.
The capacity to function as a well oiled team, making and following through on problems and decisions related to money, children, extended family, career choices, purchases, living style and living location to name a few, determines for some marriages the level of their warmth and the frequency and power of Warm Magic Moments.
Teamwork in a marriage tends to be problematic for those who have a strong push to be independent and self-sufficient or for those who have a strong need to be right, in control and come off as highly opinionated.
Now this makes sense. It’s my way or the highway. There is little room for compromise, negotiation or joint problem solving.
Such couples or marriages are usually marked by conflict, which either brews or is full-blown in the open.
Unlike other marriages, characterized more by patterns of withdrawal, distance and/or extreme frustration because needs are not being met, spouses in this marriage refuse to work with each other.
One may feel unappreciated and believes s/he must fight for every inch of turf and the other may eventually feel beaten down and trampled.
Not much warmth there. And when they are together, conflict is only a decision or two away.
Examine carefully these 9 traits which will enable you to be an effective team, lessen the conflict, and create an environment ripe for Warm Magic Moments.
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1. I am doing everything I can to contribute to the success of our relationship.
2. I trust my spouse is trying his/her best to help our relationship succeed.
3. I support, encourage and champion my spouse to reach his/her aspirations. It feels rewarding to me to
make my partner’s life easier and more enjoyable.
4. I collaborate with my spouse; I do not compete in order to feel superior.
5. When we work together, the relationship is more important to me than the project.
6. I am comfortable with the way our common interests fit together.
7. I like the parts of myself which our relationship accentuates.
8. My needs for closeness and independence are balanced in this relationship.
9. I am present with my spouse; I do not remove myself from the relationship by “numbing out,” withdrawing,
getting sick, having accidents, or self-medicating with alcohol, drugs, TV or adrenaline.
Now, here’s what I want you to do.
Copy this list. Print it out and take it with you. Spend two days reading it periodically. Paste it on your fridge. Make it desktop on your computer. Tape it to your mirror. Keep it in front of you, just for two days. Think about the list. Reflect on the list. Allow the list to sink deeply in to you.
Then, put it aside for a week.
Come back to the list a week later and see what sifts have taken place in your mind or in your relationship. Describe how the list has impacted you and your marriage. What did you do differently? What new attitudes do you now possess? What mental breakthroughs did you make, if any?
If you are separated, divorced and/or single, feel free to use this exercise targeting any relationship of significant emotional investment.
