Hello. Dr. Huizenga here.
80% of Couples Struggle with This
My experience as a Marriage and Family Therapist over the past 3 decades tells me that 80% of couples struggle with the Pursuer-Distancer Merry-Go-Round. (The 20% struggle with other patterns. I go into detail describing the Red, Yellow and Green Marriages in the Advanced Module of the Marriage Intensive Modules in my Online Course.)
One pursues. This person wants more, tries to initiate conversations or activities or takes the lead in connecting.
The other distances: refuses to respond actively or passively, stonewalls or reacts to create distance.
And the result is exceedingly common: once the pursuer stops pursuing (and becomes the distancer) the one who distanced becomes frightened and often becomes the pursuer.)
The now pursuer eventually runs into an impasse and again becomes the distancer as the other again initiates the pursuing.
And the Merry-Go-Round continues.
Remember, this happens in 80% of marriages or relationships of emotional investment. And, the switch from pursuer to distancer to pursuer may happen weekly, daily and sometimes almost hourly, depending on the level of tension and reactivity.
How do you get off the Merry-Go-Round?
I offer you two resources to begin your thinking about this process.
And, once you begin to see it, to recognize it, you begin the process of changing it.
1 First, Sign up and download “8 Keys to Addressing the Core Issues in Your Marriage, without upsetting your spouse.”
The download leads you to the “Quick Marriage Turn Around” and THE most powerful Tool in getting off the Merry-Go-Round, “Charging Neutral.”
2 After you sign up for the FREE Download, study the infographic to learn more.
This infographic will reveal the most powerful and simple way to stop divorce or infidelity in its track.