One ALWAYS Wants More Intimacy in the marriage

Young couple in love

One spouse always seemingly wants more (intimacy, talking, connection, time together, etc) than the other. There is ALWAYS an imbalance. Usually, but not always, it is the male who backs away or displays hesitancy.

Please leave your comment about the video below. What is the intimacy balance like in your relationship?

21 thoughts on “One ALWAYS Wants More Intimacy in the marriage”

  1. How astute of you to pinpoint that the person who is pulling away may do so out of fears and inadequacies, Dr. Huizenga. That alone took me a decade of personal human revolution. While I went through a proverbial hell because of a break-up, we were able to regroup and keep our family together, and became far better people than we ever thought possible…so, everything has value and a gift. meanwhile, I have received your e-mails and benefited from them – and shared them with others who were hurting. Thank you for your generous and gentle help, wishing you all the best.

  2. Yes this is pretty much how my wife and I ended up in this crisis. I was taking the relationship for granted while my wife was feeling that she wasn’t getting what she needed in it. It has now reversed, as I struggle from pursuing her. I am preparing to try “charging Neutral” however for some reason I am afraid to. I feel nervous about standing up to her with my true feeling at this point. I do love her but know that the hurt I feel will develope into resentment.
    All so surreal . Only 7 months ago we were a sharing our day to day life as a couple with plans and dreams for our future together.

  3. I am going through this right now. I am the one who always wants more intimacy, time together, etc. and my husband is always pulling away. Thanks for enlightening me that my husband may be going through fears and inadequacies. Thank you for all your help. I have received your first ebook back in 2004, Break Free From The Affair, and also received counseling from you at that time. That was the time my husband had his first affair. We are still married, now going on 28 years despite the fact that my husband had a total of three affairs. My story is long and all your literature has helped me save my marriage. I have realized that all the infidelities my husband went through was because of his personal need system, immaturity, and distorted thinking. You see I was never going to be able to provide him with a child and he knew that going into our marriage; he was okay with it up to 14 years into the marriage. Then his thinking changed and he started thinking about dying and wanting to have a child of his own and the affairs started. The first affair started late 2003 and ended in 2005, second started in 2014 and ended 2015, soon after the most recent affair started in 2015 and now he has a child just born a month ago. He was so happy when he found out the child was his (through DNA testing)! NOW, he finally achieved his goal! But guess what? Welcome to reality — yes, he has proven his manhood but now he is responsible for the needs of this little baby. He now has to go back to work which I think is depressing him because of his age; reason for his fears and inadequacies. Once again, Dr. Huizenga, thank you for all your support!

  4. Believe me SHE is the ENEMY. SHE is a black Scotchman like HER father. SHE had a 5yr. with NO shame, NO remorse and NO change in HER attitude and the affair began in 1966 and SHE is the same shameless person as SHE was 50yrs. ago when SHE started HER affair.
    Going to the company Christmas party without me, getting a IUD put in for Him, buying some wigs to hide Herself when SHE was out with Him, spending all HER pay on clothes to look good for Him, etc..
    YOU have know a black Scotchman to understand how vicious these psychopath’s are.

  5. I need all the help I can get. My wife and I have been talking about finding balance. It’s odd how our “roles” have so drastically changed in our marriage.

  6. I can see this dynamic as we are trying again to solidify our relationship that is and has been consistently undercut by the always recurring injection of this former intimate coworker of my longtime girlfriend . We have just resumed our relationship after a one-year hiatus and ICV dance unfolding once again . I look forward to the remaining keys in the hope that this cycle might be broken .

  7. no movement in the dance from her, she blames lack of emotional/physical intimacy on long list of incomplete tasks or goals not reached (glorified excuses)

  8. Dr. Bob,

    Help me save my marriage! I’m fighting alone right now, and I would love any insight or wisdom that can shed light into our darkened situation… My wife has given up on me AND God, and has turned her back on our vows and our marriage… I am desperate to keep the love of my life in my arms!

    Daniel Brownfield

  9. Well my husband blamed me. Told his OW that I was to blame his relationship/marriage was shit. He loved her 100 percent and I was stonewalled.for 3 plus years. Now he says he loves me. Want this to work but all the savings have gone. I have nothing but bad memories for the last 3 year’s how do you make that go away? I saw the videos and photos of them both whilst I stayed at home and kept.the family together. How do I go o now????

  10. You are dead on. I have always had this feeling but couldn’t put my finger on it. I am interested in reading the 10 keys.

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