A prominent message sent to the bride and groom upon getting married is, “You are losing your personal freedom.”
Isn’t the phrase “tying the knot” interesting? It speaks of a strangle hold, a constriction and losing the capacity to be free.
Pranks speak to this loss of personal freedom. Here’s a prank played from my past.
The bride and groom standing in front of the church, before the clergy, are told to kneel for the words of blessing. Unknown to the groom, one of his buddies printed the word HELP on the soles of his shoes which become obvious as soon as he knelt.
Bachelor and bachelorette parties prior to the wedding are popular times for both to “party.” I suppose the underlying message is, “Live it up. You won’t get this chance again once you “tie the knot.”
Once married, you are to meet each other’s needs. You are to sacrifice your own personal desires and give to your spouse. This is all and good, but it seems that most when first married, lack the maturity and insight to carefully evaluate that process.
Sacrifice and accommodation to the spouse become for many a boiling pot of frustration and a belief that personal entitlement is a thing of the past.
And, this belief is cemented by the fact that you promise to “be one” until death do us part.
I believe the intent of these promises is valid and important. However, the bride and groom, and those who have not given much thought to the more difficult aspects of being married, interpret these promises, at a basic level, to restrict one’s personal freedom – forever! What a depressing thought!
A Green Marriage (see https://saveamarriageforever.com/ebook.htm) experiences the marital relationship as a seedbed for personal freedom.
A marriage fully lived and experienced enhances the personal freedom of both partners.
You are encouraged to state powerfully what is important to you. You state your preferences in a welcoming atmosphere of trust and anticipation.
You are encouraged to become fully you; however that develops in your life over the course of your life.
Your work, your hobbies, your life’s passions are embraced by your spouse. You are encouraged to explore other avenues that will offer you excitement and challenge as make personal shifts of interest and activity.
You see your life and the life of your marriage with unlimited possibilities. Relating to your spouse is dynamic, always changing, always offering more for you and for the two of you. You do not become bored. You do not pine for another life. There is no need. It never crosses your mind.
You live with full integrity. You do that which is best for you and for your family. Living with integrity offers a tremendous sense of satisfaction.
Yes, a true level of freedom is possible in a marriage. In reality, it is a core benefit of relating to another with a deep and abiding emotional investment.
Each spouse embracing the personal freedom of the other is the ONLY way to generate legitimate and lasting intimacy.
1 thought on “Shift #2: From Losing my Personal Freedom to Enhancing my Personal Freedom”
I see tying the knot to be the Gordian knot, a knot that no one can untye. I’ve loved my wife since the day I laid eyes on her, and of course it was her looks that made me feel that way at first, it has only become stronger for me over time. I met her October 31st 1989, and married her February 2, 1990, she turned 17 January 25 1990, and no she wasn’t pregnant. I knew her a whole 90 days before we got married, we’ve been together almost 27 years now and I would do it again, I’ve never regretted it, not even for a second. I’ve never lost my attraction to her, I love her more then I know how to express with words and I still lust after her. It just about killed me when I found out she was sending nude pictures to the only other guy she’s been with, but her telling him ( I still love you) hurt way more then the pictures. I actually tried to shoot myself but the gun misfired. To me that is worse then if she had sex with him. Sex is sex, I’ll take love and trust before sex all day long. When I first dated her it gave me such a rush just touching her hand, she was and still is so beautiful that I find it hard to believe she would let me touch her. On our first date she thought I didn’t like her because I didn’t try to kiss her goodnight, I was so intimidated by her looks that she scared me to death, she was 16 and I was 23, but her parents loved me so that wasn’t a problem. I took care of her from the day we met. I bought her a new car and paid for food and anything else she needed or wanted. I wanted her so bad I would have done anything to keep her. Her X came by my place to tell me to stay away from her, I told him that I was going to keep her forever if I could, and she’s still mine, and I’ll fight the whole world to keep her if I have too. Whatever it takes for me to keep her, that’s what I’ll do. My love for her is truly unconditional, there is nothing she could do that would make me not love her, I may leave her, but I would still love her.