Webinar with Dr. Bob Huizenga
(Right click the button above and select “Save Link As…” to download the audio file)
Chat Transcript of the Q & A
Glad you are here. Feel free to add your questions or comments.
Maria Cristallo (to All):
Maria Cristallo (to All):
yes
Sheri (to All):
Sheri (to All):
yes
cah1 (to All):
cah1 (to All):
yes
Idalia (to All):
Idalia (to All):
yes
maryanne Overbaugh (to All):
maryanne Overbaugh (to All):
yes
[ Waiting for name ] (to All):
yes
Kulin (PRIVATE):
Kulin (PRIVATE):
why did the affair happen ??
Kulin (PRIVATE):
Kulin (PRIVATE):
what was the need ?
Kulin (to Organizers):
Kulin (to Organizers):
yes..
Ann (to All):
Ann (to All):
my partner resenting me and talking in circles
Kulin (to Organizers):
Kulin (to Organizers):
yes
Ann (to All):
Ann (to All):
blaming all what went wrong on me
Kulin (to Organizers):
Kulin (to Organizers):
she starts crying and almost has nervous breakdown
maryanne Overbaugh (to All):
maryanne Overbaugh (to All):
Today, my husband keeps saying he is coming home he is living with his affair partner. He keeps telling me he has a plan but nothing is happeining. he has said this for 2 years
Kulin (PRIVATE):
Kulin (PRIVATE):
she starts crying and almost has nervous breakdown
Kulin (to Organizers):
Kulin (to Organizers):
8
cah1 (to All):
cah1 (to All):
My husband moved out 1.5 years ago to live with his affair partner, but 1 year ago said he wanted to work on our marriage. Since that time he has gone back and forth between me and his affair partner, saying he is “conflicted” and does not know what to do. When I try to talk with him, he says he is stressed out and can’t talk. It is a 10 on the tension scale.
Kulin (PRIVATE):
Kulin (PRIVATE):
8
maryanne Overbaugh (to All):
maryanne Overbaugh (to All):
8
Ann (to All):
Ann (to All):
10 on tension and no communication
Sheri (to All):
Sheri (to All):
yes
Ann (to All):
Ann (to All):
my partner lives also for 2 tears withbhis affair partner and acts like a teenagere .
Ann (to All):
Ann (to All):
when he is home in the weekend he pretends everything is all right
Ann (to All):
Ann (to All):
no plan
Ann (to All):
Ann (to All):
the affair partner is trying to arrange my life and the lifes of our kids .
Ann (to All):
Ann (to All):
My husband believes everything she says .
Idalia (to All):
Idalia (to All):
yes
tami (to All):
tami (to All):
yes
maryanne Overbaugh (to All):
maryanne Overbaugh (to All):
yes
Sheri (to All):
Sheri (to All):
I do
cah1 (to All):
cah1 (to All):
yes
Steve (to All):
Steve (to All):
all the time
Ann (to All):
Ann (to All):
yes
Beth Patterson (to All):
Beth Patterson (to All):
yes
Kulin (to All):
Kulin (to All):
yes
Kulin (to All):
Kulin (to All):
more then I talk to my spouse
Sk (to All):
Sk (to All):
While in the middle of a crisis- hearing, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you. I’m done.” And emotional affair is happening, but he is saying “We are just friends.” He doesn’t think she is the catalyst, but is addicted to talking and texting her- what CAN you talk about to rebuild the connection using the 4 steps?
Steve (to All):
Steve (to All):
does any of that conflict with charging neutral?
tami (to All):
tami (to All):
I’ve tried this exact thing before of “when I see…then I feel…” and he shut down and would not answer with any reply. Any suggestions how to know if he understands and/or get a response?
tami (to All):
tami (to All):
at this point it is because he thinks he has “dealt with everything” Doesn’t want to talk anymore
cah1 (to All):
cah1 (to All):
what would we self disclose — that we are afraid, too?
Kulin (to All):
Kulin (to All):
what u do if spouse breaks down and feels very guilty to talk
maryanne Overbaugh (to All):
maryanne Overbaugh (to All):
When I tell him how I feel or what I am thinking, he says “stop you’re just getting yourself upset”.
Ann (to All):
Ann (to All):
I feel that if I act in that way : non judging and loving
Ann (to All):
Ann (to All):
my husband can continue the affair forvever
Ann (to All):
Ann (to All):
yes
Sk (to Organizers):
Sk (to Organizers):
While in the middle of a crisis- hearing, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you. I’m done.” And emotional affair is happening, but he is saying “We are just friends.” He doesn’t think she is the catalyst, but is addicted to talking and texting her- what CAN you talk about to rebuild the connection using the 4 steps?
Kulin (to All):
Kulin (to All):
if I stop asking for details I will never find out what was the need for the affair ?
Ann (to All):
Ann (to All):
if i am nice he will continue forever
Ann (to All):
Ann (to All):
yes
tami (to All):
tami (to All):
I said “when I see this,,,,I feel this….and I need your help to help me heal”. Again – no to little response. Only one time did he respond the next day with a short answer. I think it’s because of his shame/guilt and he pretty much refuses to go “back there”. When I tell him how humiliated I feel he says “you don’t show it”.
maryanne Overbaugh (to All):
maryanne Overbaugh (to All):
I guess I am not sure what support he can give.
Sheri (to All):
Sheri (to All):
Is it effective via text or email? (We are separated and haven’t much opportunity for face to face conversation.)
tami (to All):
tami (to All):
yes
tami (to All):
tami (to All):
yes listening on phone, watching on line
tami (to All):
tami (to All):
i can type my response if you ask question
maryanne Overbaugh (to All):
maryanne Overbaugh (to All):
We on the phone can unmute our phones.
tami (to All):
tami (to All):
ok, thx
tami (to All):
tami (to All):
how do i do that
Sk (to All):
Sk (to All):
While in the middle of a crisis- hearing, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you. I’m done.” And emotional affair is happening, but he is saying “We are just friends.” He doesn’t think she is the catalyst, but is addicted to talking and texting her- what CAN you talk about to rebuild the connection using the 4 steps?
Sheri (to All):
Sheri (to All):
ok, tks
Sk (to All):
Sk (to All):
I can’t talk right now.
Sk (to All):
Sk (to All):
Yes
Sk (to All):
Sk (to All):
He doesn’t think we have a relatiobship
Sk (to All):
Sk (to All):
He denies it’s an affair.
Kulin (to All):
Kulin (to All):
if my spouse does not want to talk about the past and she has a nervous breakdown .. and I want to know the details.. how do we break this imapasse
Sk (to All):
Sk (to All):
He is still at home, but continuing with her.
Kulin (to All):
Kulin (to All):
yes
Theresa (PRIVATE):
Theresa (PRIVATE):
should I share this process with my husband
Sk (to All):
Sk (to All):
What can you do of your partner works very hard to oppose you?
Theresa (PRIVATE):
Theresa (PRIVATE):
he has been pretty resistant when I made a similar request
Theresa (PRIVATE):
Theresa (PRIVATE):
in the past
Sk (to All):
Sk (to All):
He is trying to convince himself he doesn’t want to be married. I think he is confused.
Ann (to All):
Ann (to All):
whatcif the affair partner does everything in her power to keep him
Mary (to All):
Mary (to All):
How to communicate with a partner who uses the “silent treatment” to avoid any contact?
Theresa (PRIVATE):
Theresa (PRIVATE):
this has been wonderful! thank you
Kulin (to All):
Kulin (to All):
thank you
maryanne Overbaugh (to All):
maryanne Overbaugh (to All):
thank you
