Webinar with Dr. Bob Huizenga
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Chat Transcript of the Q & A
Glad you are here. Feel free to add your questions or comments.
Mary (to All):
Mary (to All):
Hi, Bob – Mary here
To All:
To All:
Hi Mary… looks like you go it to work..
Mary (to All):
Mary (to All):
yes, but I had to hit “everyone” to type this
Mary (to All):
Mary (to All):
and no audio yey
Mary (to All):
Mary (to All):
yet
To All:
To All:
Ok… not sure what you do for private
To All:
To All:
audio coming on the hour..
Mary (to All):
Mary (to All):
ok
Mary (to All):
Mary (to All):
can see you, but hope you cannot see me -in PJ’s?
To All:
To All:
nope… cant see you
David Sayer (to All):
David Sayer (to All):
yes
Amanda (to Organizers):
Amanda (to Organizers):
yes I can hear you
Mary (to All):
Mary (to All):
My spouse left again, in anger, indicated he wants no contact other than text messages related to house maintenance. He states he wants space, but he is going to be with the other partner. This is our ongoing drama, exhausting and emotional for me.
David Sayer (to All):
David Sayer (to All):
Is losing it the same as being triggered.
Lady (PRIVATE):
Lady (PRIVATE):
I’ve been dealing with deceit, lying and secrecy. my husband won’t let the emotional affair go. I have of history of being controlling and domineering behaviors that pushed him far away. I am aware. how can I move forward when he doesn’t like confronting it and denies so much
Lady (PRIVATE):
Lady (PRIVATE):
I’m not that way now
Lady (PRIVATE):
Lady (PRIVATE):
it’s not me its him
Lady (PRIVATE):
Lady (PRIVATE):
he’s cheating
Amanda (to All):
Amanda (to All):
when my spouse looses it, it’s mainly verbal attacks where he rehashes 2 month affair and tortures me with details.
Lady (PRIVATE):
Lady (PRIVATE):
last week
Buddy’s Laptop (to All):
Buddy’s Laptop (to All):
my spouse loses it whenever she is ever faced with me and my feelings. my feelings or vulnerability is triggered when I feel her wall me off and withdraws. she completely shuts down and friends me.
Lady (PRIVATE):
Lady (PRIVATE):
he verbally abuses me and started being rude when I try to talk about anything he doesn’t want to admit
Mary (to All):
Mary (to All):
My spouse loses it whenever I pursue or question, and this triggers prolonged verbal abuse from him.
Amanda (to All):
Amanda (to All):
hmmm, I just have to let him get it out. however when someone dwells on the affair after a year and a half, no one can move forward.
Mary (to All):
Mary (to All):
Oh my gosh, all of these!
Buddy’s Laptop (to All):
Buddy’s Laptop (to All):
yes
Amanda (to All):
Amanda (to All):
all of these
Buddy’s Laptop (to All):
Buddy’s Laptop (to All):
yes yes yes yes yes
[ Waiting for name ] (to Presenter):
5 and 6
Amanda (to All):
Amanda (to All):
no
David Sayer (to All):
David Sayer (to All):
all the time
Buddy’s Laptop (to All):
Buddy’s Laptop (to All):
a lot
Lady (to All):
Lady (to All):
no
Mary (to All):
Mary (to All):
yes
David Sayer (to All):
David Sayer (to All):
my rational self
Mary (to All):
Mary (to All):
all the time!
Amanda (to All):
Amanda (to All):
I do!
Buddy’s Laptop (to All):
Buddy’s Laptop (to All):
every day
David Sayer (to All):
David Sayer (to All):
yup
Lady (to All):
Lady (to All):
no
David Sayer (to All):
David Sayer (to All):
my wife and I have realized that the triggering event is not the actual event but my reaction
Mary (to All):
Mary (to All):
how do we break this cycle?
Amanda (to All):
Amanda (to All):
how do we get this cycle to end?
Buddy’s Laptop (to All):
Buddy’s Laptop (to All):
in the past my spouse has said our conversations are exhausting and they will never change
Lady (to All):
Lady (to All):
what if your spouse stonewalls
Amanda (to All):
Amanda (to All):
they are exhausting conversations when we have to face them!
Idalia (to All):
Idalia (to All):
anxiety/fear
Mary (to All):
Mary (to All):
panic
Amanda (to All):
Amanda (to All):
anxiety and a verbal torture
Buddy’s Laptop (to All):
Buddy’s Laptop (to All):
tension anxiety and fear of loss and rejection
David (to All):
David (to All):
frustration
Lady (to All):
Lady (to All):
overanalyzing
Amanda (to All):
Amanda (to All):
thank you, great list.
Lady (to All):
Lady (to All):
unsafe
Buddy’s Laptop (to All):
Buddy’s Laptop (to All):
sure
Buddy’s Laptop (to All):
Buddy’s Laptop (to All):
yes
Lady (to All):
Lady (to All):
your doing great Buddy
Amanda (to All):
Amanda (to All):
in life we all do beautiful things and stupid things. it’s apart of how life is. it’s a process and we are all human and make mistakes. question is how do we get over these hurdles with out wearing us all down? we all want a harmonious marriage.
David (to All):
David (to All):
the key is to insist on respectful dialogue and to take a time out if one party does not honor that.
Amanda (to All):
Amanda (to All):
I agree with what Davis says
Mary (to All):
Mary (to All):
It was a familiar story for me. but my spouse hooks me when I walk away from his abusive behavior by saying “you don’t respect me.”
Mary (to All):
Mary (to All):
He likes to be in control!
Mary (to All):
Mary (to All):
Anger, that is untrue, I do respect him, but not the behaviors.
Amanda (to All):
Amanda (to All):
more on the topic staying Calm- or keeping his anger calm?
Lady (to All):
Lady (to All):
I agree Amanda
Amanda (to All):
Amanda (to All):
yes but we don’t have you present when this barrage happens
Buddy’s Laptop (to All):
Buddy’s Laptop (to All):
ty!
[ Waiting for name ] (to All):
Hang in there buddy, let go… ive been there… when you finally let go its great
