Hello. Dr. Huizenga here. 80% of Couples Struggle with This My experience as a Marriage and Family Therapist over the past 3 decades tells me that 80% of couples struggle with the Pursuer-Distancer Merry-Go-Round. (The 20% struggle with other patterns. I go into detail describing the Red, Yellow and Green Marriages in the Advanced Module […]
Stop Pursuing Your Spouse Read More »
A study was conducted at Kansas Sate University surveying some 500 men and women asking the question: which would worse: imagining your partner involved in passionate sexual cheating or your partner engaged in emotional cheating with someone else? And, following the lines of gender stereotypes, the study concluded that men would be more disturbed by
Emotional Infidelity: Is Emotional or Physical Cheating Worse? Read More »
I remember one evening sitting on the couch watching Cinderella with my 6 year old granddaughter. She was enthralled with the movie; eyes riveted; heart obviously attached to Cinderella. Then I thought, “What is she learning about relationships, about love and about marriage?” My heart skipped a few beats as I watched the budding “relationship”
What you learn about Marriage at 6 will kill your marriage at 36 or 46 Read More »
As a male you are asked to be more romantic. If you are a typical male, this strikes a scary cord. You think of some stud, with piercing eyes and sly soft smile who knows how to wooooo a woman and “sweep her off her feet.” You are expected to say the right thing at
Romance is a loaded word Read More »
One spouse always seemingly wants more (intimacy, talking, connection, time together, etc) than the other. There is ALWAYS an imbalance. Usually, but not always, it is the male who backs away or displays hesitancy. Please leave your comment about the video below. What is the intimacy balance like in your relationship?
One ALWAYS Wants More Intimacy in the marriage Read More »
Sex is a “hot” topic! (A little play on words.) It is. Truly. Sex is a part of you and the marriage that reaches down and touches the very core of how you perceive and feel about you. Nothing stirs your sense of vulnerability more than to expose your nakedness of body, mind and spirit
Marriage and Sexual Maturity Read More »
Part 6 (previous post: Men, Intimacy and Judgment) You want to believe you are “normal.” Often, in the midst of a marital crisis you feel anything but normal. Your world is turned upside down. Your dreams and hopes of a “normal” happy family are dashed. You begin to doubt yourself. Your neediness becomes more desperate.
Men, Intimacy and Feeling Normal Read More »
Part 4 (Prior post: Men, Intimacy and Isolation) Knowing the coping patterns of your spouse (as outlined in “7 Reasons Men have Difficulty Getting Close and Staying Close”) provides relief. Often you as a spouse are too close to the relationship to see the overarching patterns of coping and behavior. You see the tree staring
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Men and Intimacy – Part 3 (the prior post: Men, Intimacy and Guilt) The spouse who lives and breathes next to an emotionally distant man may experience a strong dose of isolation. If guilt and a sense of undue responsibility are present she may shrink from the world. Her world narrows, her enthusiasm for life
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Part 5 (Prior post: Men, Intimacy and Patterns) Judgment generates trouble in a marital relationship. You may have a strong need to view yourself as right and your spouse as wrong. You judge his behavior and thoughts as being either acceptable or unacceptable. There may be a little grey area. Of course you do the
Men, Intimacy and Judgment Read More »
