Save a Marriage Forever Formula

11 Steps to a Self-Healing Marriage or Relationship

  1. The Formula is a powerful tool. 11 Steps encapsulate the healing/change process taken from different “tools” I’ve used as a therapist and my work with thousands since 1981.
  2. The Formula is not a one shot and done tool. Use the Formula whenever you experience an upsetting situation. Print out a number of sheets and follow the Formula 1-3 times a day.
  3. Some of the steps are counter-intuitive. For example, canceling a proactive goal (get him to love me) seems rather strange, as does the fact that another person’s behavior results in self punishment. Bear with the formula.
  4. The Formula works most powerfully in conjunction with deprogramming your mind and heart from what you’ve been taught about relationships. This is a process. Be patient with the confusion (confusion stands next to discovery!)

Drop me an email bob@bobhuizenga.com if you would like a free session to work through the Formula.

Please review these videos in which I walk Kat and Ron through the Formula.

Summary of Video with Kat


Kat discovered the affair 17 weeks ago. Kat recently set a boundary: he must leave the house if he continues his relationship with the other person.

Painful Situation

He rejected her invitation to a “Last couple’s diner.”

Feelings Generated

jealousy, hurt, anger, rejection


He won’t tell me the truth. He has plans with the other person.

Kat’s Response and Punishment

Kat shut down and gave up her power.

Kat’s Constructive Goal

To get him to open up and be honest

Kat’s New Goal of Love

Love self first and get power back

Summary of Video with Ron


Ron rescued his future wife from prostitution and drugs. They are married with children

Painful Situation

After a child’s birthday party, Ron’s wife told him she wanted a sexual separation.

Feelings Generated



I was not good and screwed up my life.

Ron’s Response and Punishment

Ron begged her to “come back” and punished self by feeling guilty.

Constructive Goal

Ron worked to change her mind.

New Goal

We discussed different goals between “letting her go” and being a “hard ass.”