Module #2: Relearning Marriage and Love – A New Vision for (Easier) Love
Problem: Much of what you were taught about Marriage and Relationships was either wrong, lacking or inaccurate. Conventional martial advice tends to focus on fear factors (rejection from your other, your inadequacy and your need to perform) which result in feeling stuck, vulnerable and pessimistic. You must unlearn, reprogram and create a new, more accurate, satisfying and love-giving vision for your marriage or relationship.
Relearning Progress Chart
You will create a new vision for your marriage or relationship. Download the Relearning Checklist that guides your progress through this module.
My Marriage/Relationship Now
What are my decision points?
Marital stress and the frequency and intensity of a crisis can be lessened once you stand back and view the larger picture of your marital process. Marriages are dynamic – always changing. Being aware, being prepared and acknowledging marital change and questions enables you to better engage your other.
Is my Marriage/Relationship Red, Yellow or Green?
The way you approach your spouse depends on the type of marriage. The content you use to rebuild the trust and love depends on the type of your marriage or relationship. Not all marriages are equal. Using one skill set or strategy to fit all marriages leaves you little room for success in building the trust and love. Complete this checklist to discover if your marriage is Red, Yellow or Green and what that means for you.
WARNING! The Red abusive Marriage/Relationship
This guide enables you to evaluate the level of abuse in your marriage or relationship. It also guides you on how to respond to that level of abuse.
This guide gives you resources to survive, set boundaries and protect yourself as you extricate from the abuse. Case studies are given by those who used some of these resources along with their results.
Toward a New Marraige/Relationship
Creating a safe place in your Marriage/Relationship
You cannot love if you fear your other. You cannot love – or receive love – if you are afraid you will be rejected, criticized or fail to measure up to his/her standards of performance. You must experience a degree of safety; that you have a place, a value which cannot be destroyed by your other’s fears and insecurities. This exercise enables you to “see through” your other’s fears and insecurities, to create a safer emotional atmosphere.
The sensitive person
One stuck in a marriage or relationship with abuse, whatever the degree, is often a sensitive person who tries exceedingly hard and cares deeply. This person often tolerates a great deal to make the marriage work. This guide affirms the sensitivity as a gift and offers resources for the sensitive person to tolerate less and speak firmly.
What You Need to Learn
Download and print out your “What I Need to Learn” file on the right. Check the progress of your learnings that help you relearn about marriage, love and relationships.
The Power of Distinctions
I emphasize the power of making distinctions as you build a love you can trust. Making distinctions is the process of understanding, of peeling back the layers of the onion to see what’s beneath. Love is not an end process. Love continues. Love builds stronger and stronger over time. Love is coming to know the other in deeper and more profound, exciting and happy ways – as you make distinctions.
9 Ugly Results
I want you to examine basic assumptions about love and marriage that cause you misery, unhappiness and a deteriorating marriage. I want you to throw away the illusions and distortions you were taught and incorporate new ways of thinking and feeling that will set you free from you misery and place you on the path, a rather enjoyable path, of creating a love you will enjoy and will last.