Discover the 3 Key Shifts that will Calm your
Fears, the Tension and Close the Emotional Gap
Hello, Dr. Bob Huizenga Here
If you’ve tried conventional relationship advice but end up feeling discouraged and still emotionally disconnected from your significant other, please read this page carefully.
Perhaps you and the love of your life can feel the power, passion and freedom of EASY LOVE.
What I present will most likely disturb you and shake you out of your zone of familiarity about relationships. Not everyone is ready or wants to hear what I have to say.
Loving and Receiving Love Shouldn’t be do Difficult
- You feel the burden, the weight of the world on your shoulders.
- You try with all your might to make your marriage better.
- Your spirit is about dead. Your heart simmers with low-grade anger. Your dreams of intimacy, of a happy marriage of being cherished and respected are fading.
- You walk through the park on a bright sunny day and see an elderly couple walking hand in hand;
- Your heart sinks with the thought that this might not ever be you.
- You roll over in bed in the morning and come face to face with someone you don’t know.
- You stand next to a stranger you are reluctant to touch or receive touch – in so many ways.
- You feel alone… oh so alone.
- Your heart aches. S/he is gone…at least emotionally.
- A wall of tension, of emptiness and of fear separates the two of you.
- And the disconnect goes on… and on… and on
And, you may be the only one “trying.” And on top of it all, the more you try, the more you persist, the more s/he seems to fade away.
The pit of emotional emptiness you feel right now you want filled with the warmth of a true and lasting love. You want a deep emotional connection.
Yes, you can have that powerful emotion! And, I want it for you.
But, how it evolves, how you come to experience it fully is vastly different than what you commonly think.
How Can I MAKE him/her Love Me? How Can I Win Him/Her Back?
Time and time again in my private practice and from the daily emails I receive, I hear over and over again, often in different words, “How can I make him/her love me?” How can I win him/her back?
Here’s the hard, unadulterated truth: You can’t!
And, if we work together you will learn exactly why you cannot, nor do you want to, even try to “win” him/her back or MAKE him/her love you.
I will show you a system, the EASY LOVE system, which demands less emotional sweat, effort and dread.
You can’t make someone love you or pay attention to you, at least in ways you would consider loving.
Love Should Just Happen!
The true and most emotionally satisfying Love erupts spontaneously. Love happens. Love Emerges. True love is free. True love holds no anxiety.
True LOVE is EASY!
And yet, you are bone weary and emotionally drained from trying to “make it happen.”
EASY LOVE eludes you
Here’s your struggle: The world around you screams: You CAN MAKE him/her love you. You MUST MAKE him her/love you.
A desperate little person sits on your shoulder and whispers, “You must do something NOW to pull him/her close and recapture his/her love!
Your marriage starts ripping apart and you are encouraged to:
- Get help, as in couples counseling
- Spend more time together; date again.
- Meet his/her needs (anticipating it will be reciprocated.)
- If you are a male be more romantic, if a female, be sexier.
- Get a book and learn communication skills.
- Attend a marriage retreat.
- Plan a romantic getaway
- Surprises him/her with gifts, cards and occasions
Conventional Marriage Advice Will NEVER Lead to the Emotional Closeness You REALLY Crave
These conventional methods are supposed to help you, correct?
Well, explain to me why then, the divorce rate continues to hover at 50% and 9 out of 10 feel unhappy in their marriage? Something is not working!
All of these reasonable common chunks of marriage advice and suggestions
have these 3 underlying assumptions:
- You look to something or someone “out there” (your spouse, the guru, and the skill) to make your life better.
- You lack something. Something is wrong with you or the marriage. There is a “dysfunction.”
- You must perform differently.
Take a minute, give this some thought.
Don’t you really believe that…
- if only your spouse were different, your marriage would be better,
- Deep down, if you dare to admit it, something is wrong with you. You lack something.
- You must change in a particular way to get (or manipulate) the love you want from your partner.
Let me strongly state to you that if you live by these assumptions, you will NEVER have the love and emotional connection you long for! Never!
Your marriage will NEVER be better. Your marriage will continue to swirl in your distance and stuckness, forever!
EMOTIONAL FUSION will NEVER Give you the Love you REALLY Want
You are led to believe by the media and many well-meaning therapists and relationship experts that you need and must have, emotional FUSION.
The term EMOTIONAL FUSION emerged from the research of Family Systems Theorists in the 60s and 70s who discovered that couples who operated by the above 3 assumptions EMOTIONAL FUSION or became emotionally entangled. They were “close” in the sense that they reacted strongly to each other but lacked the capacity to be intimate.
The conventional self-help methods and the world scream at you to EMOTIONAL FUSE.
EMOTIONAL FUSION is thought to be love: it is not.
EMOTIONAL FUSION is thought to be intimacy: it is not!
Result of EMOTIONAL FUSION:
- You silently sob after sex, feeling so alone
- Your heart rate spikes and you feel tightness in your chest when your spouse enters the front door
- You wonder where s/he is. What sh/e doing
- You feel like you play a role. You’ve lost ‘you.’
- Particular words or looks trigger the anxiety
- You feel unappreciated, not wanted
- You fear s/he is becoming more distant
- Your self esteem continues to erode
- You resent giving so much
- You are afraid to speak the truth
- You feel trapped , stuck
And, here’s the kicker; it will only get worse if you live (unwittingly) by the assumptions of EMOTIONAL FUSION.
The Wisdom and Insight of a 7 Year Old
I was riding with my granddaughter, an aware, young lad y of 7 with wisdom and curiosity beyond her years.
As we were riding in silence for a while, she thoughtfully looked at me and said, “Pa, why are old people so grumpy?” I laughed, knowing, of course, she wasn’t referring to me!
In her wisdom she made a keen observation.
Some people decide in life’s critical junctures to remain EMOTIONAL FUSED.
They give their power to others.
They continue to believe they are defective – regardless of how “together” they appear to others.
They continue to manipulate and control to get personal needs met.
Life is emotionally miserable and it only gets worse with the passage of time.
EASY LOVE is a By-Product
EMOTIONAL FUSION is NOT love, and it certainly is not EASY LOVE.
EMOTIONAL FUSION is seductively reasonable, but it sucks the life, passion and intimacy out of your relationship.
EMOTIONAL FUSION asks that you perform – be sexier, more romantic, listen more, care more, be more attentive, meet needs, communicate better, etc.
EASY LOVE is a by-product – no performance is demanded.
EASY LOVE is COUNTERINTUITIVE
A colleague was having a terrible time with Tom and Kristi in marriage therapy. She was using reasonable strategies to “treat” the marriage for Tom and Kristi.
They had gone through some very difficult times (Tom had been involved with another woman.) The OP (other person) was legitimately and in all ways out of the picture and they were both committed to “working on the relationship.”
However, Kristi and Tom were having a terribly frightful time making headways. My therapist colleague finally out of desperation referred them to me.
Tom and Kristi walked through my door, took a seat and the session began. Both told me they truly wanted a better relationship and were working hard to make it happen. They were sincere.
Kristi described what she would do when Tom came home after work, trying to make him comfortable, affirmed and welcomed.
Tom explained how he tried to talk more, be present for Kristi and meet her needs. Tom listed 3-4 ways in which he was trying to make Kristi feel more desirable and loved.
Each was hanging on the other’s words. (EMOTIONALLY FUSED)
In addition to the rather large aura of tension, the couple exuded a deep sense of weariness. Kristi and Tom were exhausted. Emotionally they were spent. There was little life in Tom and Kristi and in the marriage.
Tom and Kristi pleadingly looked at me as if, “OK, the last therapist tried her bag of tricks to make us better. And we worked diligently on every one of them. What do YOU suggest we do?”
So, I gave them a very simple but counter-intuitive assignment and followed it with an exclamation point.
Kristi and Tom walked through the door the following week smiling, light, like a breath of fresh clean air sweeping through my office.
Kristi, especially, thanked me profusely.
I saw them for 3-4 more sessions and they were happily on their way.
EASY LOVE May Lead to EASY LOVE Critical Mass
Tom and Kristi had reached what I call EASY LOVE Critical Mass.
They were ready to incorporate the 8 elements of EASY LOVE. I condensed their efforts into two sentences and BAM! They were there.
EASY LOVE Releases all Your Loving Energy.
It Just Happens – When you perhaps Least Expect It
EASY LOVE is spontaneous and lets loose a reservoir of pent up energy. (This, in my humble opinion, is what makes marriage or a relationship of emotional investment exciting!)
This has happened more than once in my private practice.
In particular, I remember Bill and Joan.
Bill and Joan “got” the 8 elements of EASY LOVE and used my office to implement it. I saw them for a few sessions.
One week Bill and Joan sat down with these S.E.Gs on their faces. They could not contain their smiles. They looked like two kids on Christmas morning.
I said, “What in the world is going on?”
Joan grinned and said, “We left your office last week and we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. We stopped at the nearest hotel and had the most wild, passionate sex of our married life!
Bill smiled and nodded in agreement.
Talk about Critical Mass!
They were free! The EMOTIONAL FUSION was ripped apart and their heartfelt desires took over.
I’m not guaranteeing this will be your experience tomorrow afternoon with your partner. That would be silly of me.
EASY LOVE Evolves
Research with thousands embracing EASY LOVE for over two decades indicates you most likely will experience a progression:
As you progress your chances for wall banging critical mass increases.
Escaping the Déjà vu Marriage
I can’t stress enough that EASY LOVE enables you to break free from the déjà vu Marriage.
A Déjà vu marriage is the end result of EMOTIONAL FUSION.
You recycle your pain, hurt and distance.
You think, “Here we go again!”
You know what s/he will say/do, how you will respond and how s/he again will respond to your response.
It’s an old movie that plays over and over again.
Predictable.
And, deadly for your marital health.
You are stuck.
Try as hard as you might, you CANNOT break the cycle.
And here’s the sad result: The cycle of EMOTIONAL FUSION only gets more deeply engrained, more hopeless, and more painfully powerful over time.
EASY LOVE Stops You from Recycling Your Marital Garbage
I coached recently a 64 year old woman.
Her and her husband had recycled their garbage for 30 years, and she could not, for the life of her, break the cycle.
She focused obsessively on him, deep within felt tremendous fear, and was trying every therapeutic trick” to manipulate and persuade him to give her more.
My introduction to EASY LOVE elements fell on deaf ears and a frozen with fear heart. She no longer had the capacity to embrace EASY LOVE.
Yes, a grumpy old person.
So sad.
Don’t let this become you. OK?
The Longer You Wait, the More Damaging and
Damningly Powerful EMOTIONAL FUSION Controls Your Marriage
The longer you wait; the more difficult and entrenched you become in EMOTIONAL FUSION, chasing your dreams in ways that only bring constant disappointment, pain and loneliness.
Are you ready? Are you ready for EASY LOVE?
The first step to move in the direction of EASY LOVE is merely to be aware.
Take a moment now. Imagine your marriage. Imagine the distance in your marriage. Image what used to be and what now is.
- Do you feel the tear forming in the corner of your eye?
- Do you feel your chest tightening?
- Do you feel the pain in your heart?
- The pit in your stomach?
- What painful images enter your mind?
- Do you hear the fights or the deafening silence?
All You Need to Do is Give Yourself Permission – to Experience EASY LOVE
Give yourself, right now, right at this moment, permission to be aware of the pain, loneliness and emptiness and then…
Give yourself permission to consider the possibility of moving toward EASY LOVE.
Just notice the difference.
Loving and being loved should not be that difficult. And, it isn’t.
Get started now
Break your emotionally fused cycle
Begin to experience the freedom and joy of EASY LOVE
You Can Start Now
Click on the add to cart button below and get your copy of “Save Your Marriage Without ‘Working on it’ or ‘Talking’ – 27 days to create a Love you can Trust” – 247 pages of practical, powerful, mind-twisting and LOVE inducing materials.
“Save Your Marriage Without ‘Working on it’ or ‘Talking’” is the culmination of my life’s work as a person and professional.
You get the best of me… as taught and enriched by thousands who longed for EASY LOVE, like you.
“Save Your Marriage Without ‘Working on it’ or ‘Talking’” will:
- Enable you to integrate the 8 elements of EASY LOVE
- Enable 21 radical shifts to transform your marriage
- Help you be aware of decision points in the trust and love building process
- Expose you to the Ground Hog Process
- Help you determine whether your marriage is Red, Yellow or Green
At this point, I’m offering of “Save Your Marriage Without ‘Working on it’
or ‘Talking’ – 27 days to create a Love you can Trust” for ONLY $69.00
EASY LOVE is Straight Forward, Real and Doable.
I’m at the culmination of my professional career and this is my most insightful, most practical and most focused material to make love EASY.
I write all my material. I hire no ghost writer or marketer to speak for me.
You get the best of a wise – which means a lot of learning and experience – well educated, forthright, conscientious and compassionate person.
I trust you know the value of such work.
For the next 5 years I will be expanding my materials. That is my life’s purpose.
I MUST contribute in new, fresh and practical ways all that thousands – 25 clinical hours per week for over 20 years – have offered and taught me.
Eventually I want an extensive online course for EASY LOVE.
Being on the ground floor, you get first crack at new materials, with a discount thrown in.
And, if you really want to stay on track, you will give me the input I need for even more powerful materials.
WARNING:EMOTIONAL FUSION is powerful.
You may be hesitant right now to try a new course.
I understand. Almost EVERYONE holds back from a new course.
When I was a kid our County Fair Horse Barn burned to the ground. Some of the horses were released but still ran back into their stables, even though the barn was on fire, and died.
I don’t know much about horses. But, I know human nature.
And human nature tells me that we like the familiar, even though it may eventually be the emotional death of us or our marriage.
Don’t be a Grumpy Old Person Living with a Grumpy Old Person
EMOTIONAL FUSION keeps you locked to the reasonable and the familiar.
But, in the end you will become a grumpy old person living with another old grumpy person.
Garner the courage to chart a new course – for your sake and the sake of your children and grandchildren.
Maybe you are not ready to move. And, I respect that.
Maybe the timing isn’t right. (But, I wonder when it will be RIGHT!?)
You CAN Decide
Grab your copy of “Save Your Marriage Without ‘Working on it’ or ‘Talking’ – 27 days to create a Love you can Trust” anyway and determine for yourself.
If the time is not right for you, send me an email and I will, without hesitation or questions refund your order, if it’s within 60 days of purchase.
Click the Add to Cart Button.
Yes, Dr. Huizenga. Send me “Save Your Marriage without “Working
on it” or “Talking” – 27 days to create a love you can TRUST”,
for only $69.00
100% Money Back Guarantee…
“Save Your Marriage without “Working on it” or “Talking” – 27 days to create a love you can TRUST comes with a 100% Money Back Guarantee. If at any time within the next 60 days you find the material not helpful, I’ll cheerfully refund your money, and you can keep the book.
EASY LOVE Works and You Can Have It
Before you click the add to cart button, I really want you to read statements from those who have used: “Save Your Marriage Without ‘Working on it’ or ‘Talking’ – 27 days to create a Love you can Trust”
I want you to know what’s in store for you. These statements have confirmed that I’m on the right track. And, obviously that’s important for me.
I want you to have something that works! Something that is powerful to Save Your Marriage.
It’s comforting for me to know that my contribution is helpful.
Read these comments:
I want you to know that your course helped me far more than any of the others because it was straight forward, real and doable. I’ve done the 27 days and it works. I am constantly going back to refresh myself with things to think about. It’s a great resource to see just how far I’ve come.
I am an educated professional and was skeptical about a self- published self-help book. But your advice is wise, anticipates my questions and is reassuring.
Thank you for being a voice of confidence, assurance, and guidance in this quagmire. At last somebody who was giving practical advice, somebody who called ‘a spade, a spade’, somebody who, above all, never gave up on me and understood my dilemma and my hesitance to order and pay for the E-books over the internet.
Your writings and ebooks have not only saved my marriage, but also my life. My pain is still not over, as I discovered that my wife of 20 years has been having long term affairs on the side for 17 of these years, including the period over which we were having children. I read your books and emails over and over, and they helped tremendously to understand her problems as well as mine. It’s taken me a year and half to get myself together, but my new business is thriving and we are still together. And perhaps for the first time we are ‘really’ together.
I have been trying to rebuild my marriage after infidelity broke it apart two years ago. I have been in therapy and applying myself to healing using various authors, programs, and therapists. I am at a point in the marriage where I felt that it had to move and go somewhere or it would consume me. I once again found myself at this site and it is immensely helpful, honest and hits you with the right language which, in turn, is refreshing from other therapies in which the truth and the reality of the situation is unveiled and verified. * In contrast to the fluffy filling therapists often try to fill you with without letting the true validation surface.
Thank you for the specific examples in the checklists. I felt immediately like the material was relevant to my specific situation and it empowered me to believing in and then following your instructions closely. You other book, Break Free…was my first read and it actually helped to stop his infidelity so that I’m at this point where I can focus on trust. Thank You!!
Easy read. Well written. Calms the anxious mind.
This exercise was precisely the kind of help I have needed. The steps have also given me a better understand of how to “Charge Neutral.” I’ve intellectually acknowledged that charging neutral is be a good thing for me to be doing but have felt defeated in being able to do it. The process in this module of identifying shifts to implement gives me a practical tool to work with.
Having a voice and making distinctions are tremendously empowering concepts to explore. I didn’t even realize why I was so unhappy with myself and my marriage. It was like two empty people tearing each other apart.
So many times I’ve wanted to yell, “I want a divorce!” but haven’t. Now I realized there is a better way to address the problems.
I read this section twice, I really connected with the section describing the process of making finer and finer distinctions, I want this capacity in my life and how I relate to my partner and others. I feel excited to keep moving through the material.
Interesting to learn about marriage “myths” and wrong ideas. No wonder things weren’t’ getting better when I was going down the laundry list of fixing his complaints!
The greatest take-away was about meta-comments. I’ve been doing this as long as I can remember. Probably due to my parents telling me I made everything up or was just lying when I gave my opinion about anything. So I’m using meta-commenting to really analyze why I want to say what comes into my mind. By editing my thoughts, it gives me the time to make better choices and also listen more intently to what he is saying. It also gives me a chance to ask myself if I’m judging before I open my mouth.
The best part is I don’t have to work at it. There is a process and a system – it makes everything easier.
My favorite statements about ENGAGING are: ––A series of engagements, each building positively on the other, create a framework for the possibility of warmth, acceptance, love and romance. ––Each engagement gives a wealth of information to enhance personal power and voice. Thinking about the implications of these statements gives me hope and an incentive to master the concept of “positive engaging.” I see that positive engagements are not rooted in personal neediness; may be nonverbal (a look, a touch or a sigh); may involve a variety of platforms (face-to-face, phone, texting, email); and need not be lengthy. I like being more aware of all of this. Typically, I’m the one who initiates an engagement and my husband responds either with reluctance or with passive accommodation. It’s a bit of a relief to read that this type of imbalance is not too unusual. The fact that I have a tendency to engage with negativity and reactivity is evidence of personal neediness on my part. I should evaluate the nature of this.
I look forward to walking with you on your relationship journey.
Dr. Bob Huizenga
888-535-3510
