How to Avoid the 5 Major Pitfalls in Your Marriage Crisis Recovery
Please know that almost all – well, maybe everyone – I’ve counseled or coached in the past 30 years have succumbed to one or more of these pitfalls once the martial crisis reaches its peak: I’ve fallen prey to a couple myself. 🙂
Here are the 5 major pitfalls I’ve researched and encountered in my years as a Marriage and Family Therapist and Online Relationship Coach:
- The pain and desperation you feel will lead you to make decisions and do crazy things that make your situation worse.
- You think small. You wear blinders and don’t see the larger possibilities for healing and change.
- You focus exclusively on your spouse: If only s/he _______ then I ________.
- You don’t respect yourself. Your esteem is down the toilet and your thoughts about yourself keep you there.
- Once the pain eases, you slide back into old familiar ways, and you can bet your last dollar, the marriage crisis WILL rear its ugly and painful head again.
I’m reluctant to give simplistic solutions. I want you to know your pain, confusion and hurt are legitimate and I will not minimize what you experience.
But, to instill a little hope and perhaps offer some direction in the midst of your storm, I offer 5 avenues you can pursue to accelerate the healing and insure your healing reaches a depth in which you are able to trust and love fully again:
- Realize it’s ok to be kind to yourself. You are not alone.
- Read. Learn to widen your perspective. (Those reading “Break Free From the Affair” often experience immediate relief, knowing there are strategies and help they never dreamed having. Knowledge is freedom and power.
- Reach out to a few trusted others, either locally or online.
- Take a deep breath – every hour or minute if necessary as you walk or work.
- Sign up for a coaching package below. One-on-one coaching helps you:
- Get underneath your pain and feel it lessen
- See the larger picture so you feel less trapped and hopeless
- Regain self respect and esteem. Every word you utter is valued.
- Keep on track. It’s easy to slide back into old habits. Coaching creates new habits that move you forward.
- Trust yourself, knowing that this crisis will NEVER happen to you again!
How Coaching works:
One-on-one coaching is convenient. Coaching consists of half hour consultations over the phone and, if you choose email contact between sessions. No traveling. No waiting room.
One-on-one coaching is anonymous. No one else knows, unless you want them to know.
One-on-one coaching provides focused help to get at the concerns and issues most pressing to you NOW.
One-on-one coaching is paced. We schedule around your needs and circumstances.
Take a look at the Coaching Packages below, select the one that best meets your needs, sign up and begin the resolution.
Once you sign up, you receive an email with guidelines and expectations for coaching.
Here’s what you do..
Select a Coaching Package Below with either
Dr. Huizenga or Ms. Jeryl Swantack.
Once you sign up, you will be contacted
to set up your first coaching session.
Someone wrote and asked if we coach the “other person?” Yes, we do. We coach all involved parties. Our styles are not to impose “rightness or wrongness”, but move toward understanding, self-care and self-respect, resolution of what is not working, and finally, create a wonderful life and healthy intimate relationships that are ultimately “affair proof.”
We look foward to hearing from you,
Bob and Jeryl
I very much look forward to talking with you. The 30 minute session once a week is becoming such a precious time for me to find MYSELF. I would like to cope with this situation so that I can become wiser and stronger. I would like to believe that the adversity is the best school.
The explanations you give are usually right on. You seem to know what I’m feeling. Each time I talk to you I feel stronger and stronger.